TUG OF WAR FOR SAM'S SOUL

6/1/2008

Self-harm and drugs v. God and loving friends

“I PRESSED the scissors down on my arm hard, held it for about ten seconds and then pulled it fast. The blood came out quite quickly."Sam Cullum had grown up in a secure, happy, Christian home.Yet when he was 15, after splitting up with his girlfriend, he began to self-harm, cutting himself with scissors."Why did I do it? In a strange sort of way, I guess the physical pain took away some of the emotions I was feeling - it made me forget about my problems."Sam started to hang around with other young rebels in his home town of Coventry. The "Lady Godiva" statue was a well-known place for alienated "Goths, skaters and grebes" to hang out."I felt accepted there' says Sam, "because I wasn't the only one who self harmed." It was around this time that Sam was invited to a Jesus Army event. Sam had experienced God for himself at a Christian camp, years earlier so he decided to go along. He was unprepared for the power he encountered. "I told them that I self-harmed and was prayed for. It blew my head off. Throughout the prayer, I was screaming, but at the end of it I felt so joyful. "When I went to cut myself the next day I found I just couldn't.

Something was physically stopping me. I was amazed. God had done something real." With his parent's blessing, Sam started to come to the Jesus Army more and was baptised as a Christian. At his baptism someone said that he would "do battle with the devil". True enough, a tug of war was to follow. Sam was "experiencing more of God", but he was still hanging around at the statue.

"I started smoking a lot of weed. I was worrying a lot of people and told a lot of lies to cover my tracks." Things started to spiral for Sam as he began to dabble in other drugs with some of his mates. "After a while" he admits, "all we cared about was how to get money for drugs. We stole, lied - anything." Meanwhile, Sam's family and his friends at the Jesus Army were praying for him - hard! One day, Sam reached his turning point. "I'd had this big fall-out with my mates in town - the police had to split us up. Later, I went to the Jesus Army house. A friend - one of the leaders - threw a cushion at me and asked if I wanted to talk. "We went out into the garden and I told him I'd had enough of the lies and the drugs. But I was scared that God wouldn't want to forgive me. We prayed together and I started crying so much - because I knew I had gone against God. "At the same time I can't describe how amazingly happy I was to know that I was forgiven. When I went inside to tell people, I couldn't say anything because I was laughing and crying too much all at the same time." It was Sam's "breakthrough" moment. "I know I've messed around enough. Now I just want to be all out for God. I've seen just the smallest part of His love - and that's enough to make me realize I have to follow Him through good and bad times for the rest of my life."

Article first appeared in modern Jesus Army  Streetpaper, used with permission.   www.jesus.org.uk